It isn’t too late, you can get your lucky escape from an emotionally abusive relationship before it’s too late. Are you wondering if it is normal to argue? If it is OK to be angry with each other at least once a day simply you don’t quite feel yourself anymore since you have started dating this new s/he? These might all be signs of a toxic relationship and if you are worried of friends and family judging you if you opened up about the concerns your supposedly better half is cause for, read this to feel more confident you are not barking at the wrong tree.
Then of course, remember all relationships have good and bad days, there’s no such a thing as a flawless love, but, if you feel something in how you two go about is getting the better of you, chances are you haven’t met the right partner for you.
What is a toxic relationship?
Are you feeling mentally, psychologically and physically drained? Do you feel anxiety before stepping into the house and are you constantly worried about being ‘you’ and you don’t feel supported, encouraged and motivated by your partner in any of the decisions you have to go through in life?
These are all signs of a toxic relationship and although it is reductive to define what this is, as each case presents differently, there is one particular stigma to look out for: unhappiness. People can’t make you happy – you have to find your inner balance for that first – but they can really contribute to turning you into a sad loner.
Do you feel constantly judged?
Partners should be your ‘rock’, someone helping you to get the best out of you, supporting you and encouraging you, but if you constantly feel put down with very little constructive criticism, chances are your partner is taking out their personal frustrations and dissatisfactions on you. You will go nowhere!
Do you feel constantly controlled?
You are not making decisions on your own, you decide with your partner in a healthy relationship. Feeling ‘talked into’ something you did not wish to do or manipulated to a level where you stop going out, seeing your friends or simply taking time to do things on your own, all are signs of a toxic relationship you should pick up one before you end up single and with no friends.
Do you feel you are talking to a brick wall?
Communicating is essential in any relationship, whether friendship or something more. Not being able to sit down and express your feelings and have an adult polite conversation about everyday stuff leads to a vicious circle of misunderstands and untold things. Ultimately, you will end up avoiding each other to stay away from unnecessary bickering.
Do you feel you are at your worst all the time?
You consider yourself to be a charismatic, fun and enthusiastic person but since you have met this person and things started to get serious, you feel you have turned into a nagging hostile control freak? One of the signs of a toxic relationship is wanting to escape the ‘couple’ rather than being in it, as this makes you feel like yourself again.
Do you feel your life is made worse by this person?
Partners are not magicians, they can’t hack life for you, but they should be at least able to help you coping with your existing problems, not as carer or psychologists, but as important people in your life you don’t even need to ask for help when you need it the most.
How to get out of a toxic relationship
We have written a full editorial on how to break up with someone, even someone that you love – you can read it here. The added complication of a toxic relationship is that is really hard to get out of them even once you have established you are in one; this is because we are human and sometimes we, get addicted to drama, some of us even like a bit of self-punishment. Some of us also keep looking for things that are impossible to achieve: people don’t change, you won’t be able to change this person. You should use the ‘there is someone out there who I can really feel happy with’ type of card to ultimately give that push to end things.